Sharing and Compromising

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother" - Oprah Winfrey

I hate to post another post about exes on the heels of yesterday's post but this is timely and still rattling around my head so here goes nothing . . .

As Tom posted yesterday, his split with his ex has been FAR from amicable. The bottom line is that she doesn't feel she should have to share or compromise. There are many times we can just sigh and move on but this last incident still stings. 

Yesterday was "Welcome to Westgate."  It's a time from 4:00-5:30pm when families and kids are invited to drop by their new classrooms to see the space, drop off supplies, meet the teacher, etc. Monday is our day to have Matthew and Sarah so we naturally assumed we would be taking them and I was looking forward to it. This spring we moved from their school neighborhood to Lake in the Hills, about 45 minutes away. The welcome day is one of few times we would be able to be at their school this year. 

So Tom told his ex we were taking them and to give us the supplies to bring and she said she was going too! Argh!!  If you only knew how tense it is when all of us are there - especially for the kids - you'd know how awful this situation can be. So Tom said she would just take them herself if that's the way she was going to be. Then, to make matters worse, I had to pick the kids up from her afterwards myself because Tom ended up with a school catering event. She emailed Tom and said it would be easier "for the kids" if I picked them up at the school. Seriously???

Here was my email response to her:

"You told Tom that it is easier for the kids if I get them at Westgate. Please know that it is not easier for me, in fact it's rather painful. Monday is our day to have them. Tom and I really thought that we could share the joy of seeing their new classes with them. Since you decided to intrude, we gave in and are letting you take them. It is too painful for me to get them from you at Westgate when I was wanting to take them there myself. I hope you can understand."

I got no response to this email at all. I usually try to operate from the assumption that everyone has a heart and operates under the same moral compass as I do. Sometimes though, I am surprised by the depths of people's resentment and selfishness. 

So yesterday was a missed opportunity for grace. Sad.